VOL. NO. 1 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2026 INDEPENDENT - IMPARTIAL - GLOBAL
GRANDMOTHER, 95, BECOMES FIRST PERSON TO WALK ACROSS ANTARCTICA IN SLIPPERS
“I WAS ONLY GOING TO THE SHOPS,” SAYS EASTBOURNE PENSIONER
SCIENCE SPACE ARCHAEOLOGY
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER THIRD NOSTRIL. MEDICAL COMMUNITY DIVIDED.
Man claims he can smell the future.
GENEVA — Scientists have confirmed the existence of a fully functioning third nostril in a 34-year-old Slovenian man who claims the additional opening allows him to smell events before they happen.
“It comes in waves,” said Marko Petrovic. “Sometimes I smell rain before it happens. Other times, I can smell disappointment.”
Researchers have urged the public not to jump to conclusions.
ALIENS BEGIN COMMUNICATING THROUGH DENTAL FILLINGS
“It started as a tiny buzzing,” says first recorded recipient.
NEW MEXICO — Scientists are investigating reports that extraterrestrial civilizations have begun transmitting messages through ordinary dental fillings.
The first confirmed recipient, a 42-year-old accountant, initially mistook the transmissions for a faulty refrigerator.
Researchers believe the messages may contain detailed instructions, although preliminary translations suggest the aliens are primarily interested in speaking to someone about an extended warranty.
ANTARCTICA — A 95-year-old retired librarian from Eastbourne has become the first person to cross Antarctica on foot wearing bedroom slippers, following what officials have described as a minor navigational misunderstanding.
Mrs. Doris Puddle, who left home on Tuesday to purchase a pint of milk and a packet of digestive biscuits, reportedly became concerned about her whereabouts after noticing an unusual absence of bus stops.
“I thought the weather had turned,” she told reporters.
Authorities are investigating how Mrs. Puddle managed to traverse the frozen continent without specialist equipment, navigational assistance, or apparently any particular sense of urgency.
Mrs. Puddle has since returned to Eastbourne, where she expressed disappointment that the local Co-op had closed early.
SPHINX BREAKS 4,500-YEAR SILENCE. EXPERTS CONCERNED.
“They were far ahead of us,” say archaeologists.
CAIRO — Archaeologists working at the Giza plateau have reported an unprecedented development after the Great Sphinx allegedly spoke for the first time in approximately 4,500 years.
According to witnesses, the ancient monument surveyed the surrounding landscape before asking, “Is this really what you've done with the place?”
Egyptian authorities have declined to comment. A second statement from the Sphinx is not expected.